Trust me, I insert my foot in my mouth daily.
It has taken a focus on me formally ‘thinking before I speak’ before I word vomit on someone no matter my intent to remove said foot from my mouth.
Just picture the chaos of new a mommy [like where I was a few months ago.] I’m navigating through the fog of being a new mom, harvesting any amount of sleep that I can between the craziness of my life [as it’s been bonkers in the past few months more recently] and just looking for any way to CATCH A BREAK. I’m embracing all that we went through to have this little miracle baby while learning how to care for a tiny human.
Here’s the thing:
I respect ALL mamas who decide to have from 1-a trillion kiddos. I also respect any woman who decides to have NO kids. Kudos to all of the women in the world, PERIOD. Why should we dip into family planning convos with others when it can end up being more of a sensitive subject that we don’t know the background on?
It seems that for the past 9 months at least 3-4 people A WEEK to point out the fact that K ‘needs’ a sibling OR that I should have a second child just in case K ‘isn’t around’ OR that I should hurry up and have a second one ‘before I’m too old. The list goes on and on. My only hope is that there was a thought given before the vomit of asking, “When are you having another?” came out of the mouths of others.
I think that it’s perfectly okay to have ‘just one!’
Trust me, I know that most times the commentary is coming from a good and conversational place. I just happen to know our struggle with having K come into this world with us, so it can rub me the wrong way. I am reminded every day when I look into K’s beautiful eyes how special she is. It still blows my mind that I could be told I would have a VERY limited chance of having a child naturally. Add to that the fact that my husband and I had to decide on having a vasectomy reversal that didn’t have a 100% success result. [VERY long story, folks.] So, getting pregnant after only a month of ‘trying’ was truly a miracle!
For those reasons, I haven’t honestly given thought to ‘having more siblings for K’ until others put that into my brain. I’ve still been on cloud 9 from having her enter this world! I tend to try to think about life one step at a time, planning as necessary. I have been working on being more ‘in the moment’ so that I can truly enjoy all that is around me and soak it all in. Whenever someone’s asked me about having a second or third child, I happen to take a step back in my mind.
“Would we be able to ‘try’ for a second after being blessed with ONE period?”
“Could we afford another child, much less this one?”
“Does having a sibling guarantee that K would have company for life?”
“If she did have a sibling would they even get along?”
“If I love her this much, how could I spread that out with another little one?”
BUT WAIT! Why let my panties get into a bunch?
I can have one kiddo and be perfectly content. K happens to have an amazing big brother named Tayler who is an awesome example, protector, and ride. I’m learning to live within my means while balancing what’s most important for my family which is making memories. I don’t owe a response to anyone AND I can’t get defensive about it in return. I can only smile, make a funny rebuttal, and go on enjoying my one little nugget growing before my very eyes.
We should just be kind and think through questions we ask others [strangers in particular.] Our WOMB is OUR WOMB. Making conversation should be steered around celebrating someone’s current life and pausing to think before we speak can make a world of difference for us to exhibit empathy.
We never know someone’s story, so prying into it before we know the background mayyyyyy not necessarily be the best for the situation at hand.