Many of you know my story, so the chances of becoming a mother were far from my mind for most of my life. Even while I was pregnant, I never really wrapped my brain around the sh**-plosion about to take place that would forever change my day-to-day life (in a very good way.) I took every step to ensure I had the nursery ready, the hospital bag ready to go, a support system who I could lean on, and all of the adorableness that went along with welcoming a baby into the home. CHECK, CHECK, and CHECK! I was SO ready to be a New Mom! Even when it came to childbirth, I was pleasantly surprised at how uneventful it was compared to all of the fears I had in my little mind. On November 13, 2016 I entered the phase of life called “Spazzy New Mom Mayhem.” (Not her birth date, but the day we came home!) Life as I knew it for the previous 36 years would never be the same. An amazing little human being, who I carried in my belly for 9 months, was now the new boss in the house and there was nothing I could do about it. Or could I?
I knew all too well that being a “New Mom” meant I would be a little neurotic and worrisome. I mean, DUH. This was my first rodeo, how was I supposed to know right from wrong? Would I ever find a groove to this motherhood thing?
No one’s saying I would get it perfect, and Lord knows I haven’t, but I have been able to settle into a more mellow groove. The kid is already 15 months, so Praise the Lord that it finally happened! … (for now.)
- Stop OVER-RESEARCHING sh**! If it weren’t for my network of amazing mama friends, I would probably have Googled myself dizzy and crazy! It was important for me to remind myself I would do no harm to this child, so I had to be okay learning along the way. If my parents could take care of me without any internet or access to Siri, what’s the worst that could happen?
- To each their own! Every mama had her own prerogative, I learned. I wanted K on a schedule to make life easier for my work schedule and because I dig a routine. Some mamas don’t and that was okay. To each their own, I have always said.
- Let your circle be supportive, not critical. Along with knowing we each did our own thing, I had to make sure the mamas I was around supported that same mantra. If I were to have voices in my ear that made me second guess everything I did, I was bound to drive myself crazy in a season that was already crazy enough to start with. If something or someone in your life doesn’t add value to your life or positivity to your aura, say BYE and don’t regret a thing. We have NO TIME for petty BS.
- Roll with the punches. I’ve openly shared that at 6 months old, K welcomed her grandmother into her home with her for the unforeseeable future. I couldn’t have everything my way. I was grateful for the grandma support and second set of hands, so I had to make peace with the fact that we did things differently sometimes. Some days would work perfectly into the planned routine, while others would be a sure-fire sh**-show. Sometimes sh**-show = the best you could do.
- Replace mom-guilt with mom-juice. Whatever the indulgence was, I had to release the guilt of not being there for knowing I was bettering myself FOR my kiddo. Happy hour with my girlfriends, a run with her fur-brother, a nap while she napped instead of working … if it was for the greater good, it was good enough for me.
- Move on. My neurotic obsessive nature that once overanalyzed mistakes I made and decisions I regretted had to be replaced with “Whatever, dude.” Each day we survived life was a good day, so moving on to the next battle was the best way to avoid driving myself even madder.
- Celebrate the moments, forget about the to-dos. Being a stay-at-home-work-from-home mama was a blessing I’m forever grateful for. The organizer and planner in me always wanted to be sure I had my T’s crossed and my I’s dotted. I tracked everything K ate and made sure to stay on top of appointments even before they were in need of attention. Once we crossed the threshold into the world of her recognizing us and being more playful, that all had to stop. I began to make photo albums in my favorite app to track her memories every few months. I made it a point to have play dates booked just as I booked clients. I made meals into a playful time and stopped taking things too seriously. K has her whole life, after leaving our home and into her teens and beyond, to stress about the ‘important stuff.’ For now, she deserves to be a kid and all of the bee-boppness that comes with her being the hyper kid she is.
Here’s the thing: Our kids need a mixture of disciplinarian with positivity sprinkled into keep life light. I’ve realized my job isn’t only to raise K and try not to let her fall down the stairs, and it’s also about giving her the best memories I possibly can within my control.
She may be super little now still, but she’s already taught me so much about life and how it should be lived.